beneath the parting moonlight visions dances
the gentle sadness of a fading dream
that pencils in between each falling moment
a poem softly calling to be seen

from out the sea of drowning hearts despairing
her outstretched fingers reach to touch the dawn
a blessing falls like mist and whispers 'stillness'
an amen lingers in the calm

Finals are finally over, and I've got a few days off before Semester 2 begins. Life has been really strange for me since exam time started. I've had incredible blessings, I've had some pretty bad times as well. Many times, sadly, I traded God in for superficial things, only to com running back to him like the prodigal son who saw how empty his life had become. At the end of the day, I feel so blessed. I've experienced God's saving power, healing power, and "carrying power" -- he carried me unceasingly over the last few weeks.

I feel an incredible stillness and peace in the midst of this storm, a confidence that comes from knowing that God is stronger than this.

One of the things that struck me as I was finding a photo for my last post was how the photos I take illustrate my life. What would be nothing but a pretty sky to someone else wasn't just a pretty sky to me - it represented my relationship with my mom.

When I was first starting out with this photography thing, I felt as if I was cheating when people praised my work. It wasn't really mine - if it was a photo of a toy, it belonged to the manufacturer, if it was a photo of a flower, it belonged to the florist, and so on. I still can't and don't take complete credit for any of my photos; and moreso, will never take credit for my gift of photography: that belongs to God alone. But I've finally figured out what it means to be a photographer.

Your experience makes a photo yours. You are related in a way to whatever your subject is. Even if your subject is a blank wall -- you are related to that blank wall. Maybe it's a wall in your house that has seen countless family moments. Maybe it's the wall that closes you off from your brother's room where he sits secluded all day so you don't have a chance to talk to him. Maybe you've never seen the wall before but it reminds you of your blank mind during math class. It doesn't matter. You are related to that wall, and you're not photographing the wall itself -- you're photographing that relationship. That's why two peoples' photographic renderings of the same subject never look alike.

Eyes are windows to the soul -- so often, people comment on portraits, saying, "I can read their whole life in their eyes." Photos are almost like eyes - you can look straight into the heart through them.

Love, Oksana

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Most mornings, I wake up, say a quick prayer, eat a bit of breakfast, then take my seat at the computer... usually, I end up staring at it for the rest of the day. My addiction to the internet has stolen a lot from my life ... it hasn't only been tearing me away from my homework - it's created a big rift between me and those who love me: my family, and my God. I freely admit to being a 'Web addict,' and somehow I manage to make almost no effort to change it - after all, it's so much more convenient to think of it as something outside of my control.

Today, I did something different - I went to talk to my mom first. We spend 3 hours of just plain enjoying each other's company for once. We managed to laugh a bit, debate a bit, even cry a bit, and I think we were both surprised at how much we had in common. We talked about subjects over which we had had huge arguments in the past, and were - well, at least, I was - astonished to see that we agreed after all - we only needed to give each other a little bit more space without judging or jumping to conclusions.

Since practically all my time I have at home is spent with my mom, people often assume that we must have the best relatioship in the world ... we have a great one, but I simply cannot count how many times I pull away, spending my time at this computer or elsewhere away from her, unwilling to give her a chance to love me, unwilling to show her how much she means to me.

My mom is the most amazing, strongest person. She has been through a lot of tough times, but they're no match for her. She's a wonderful, caring, loving mother and I can't tell you how great it was to be 'back' with her. It had been a long time since I last felt like she was my best friend.

I didn't make any resolutions this year, and I still don't feel the need to. I know what I'm going to do, and I don't have to write it down on paper on the first of January. I figured out my 'resolution' three days late, and I couldn't have had more fun learning it.

This year, I want to bridge the divide and be mommy's little girl again, just the way I was meant to be!

Happy 2008 ~

Love, Oksana

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"He makes his angels spirits,
his ministers, a flame of fire..."

- Ps. 104:4

Was taking the obligatory New Years sparkler photos yesterday night... not really knowing what I was doing - I'm still a total newbie with my 40D - I turned my shutter speed up and took tons of photos with which I was, for the most part, disappointed because the quick shutter speed had captured little dots instead of the streaming paths of sparks that I had wanted. However, a good rule of thumb for me is to always take a look at my photos in large size before deleting them, so that's what I did. And when I opened up this one, I was totally shocked: I could see a little angel within the flame, and it looked like it was sitting comforably and contemplating the universe with a shining face. I've showed it to about a dozen other people, and they can see it as well, so I know I'm not crazy! :)

This is such a percious glimpse into heaven for me. It reminds me of just how many angels there are sitting at the corners of the deep, dark universe; watching watching the whirling galaxies and forever reminding us that someday in heaven, we will see things far more beautiful than these so long as we believe.

Love, Oksana

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Thank you for inspiring me!

I joined Flickr about 3 years ago to look at and favourite photos... I sure didn't think I'd ever be uploading any! Then my parents got us our first digital camera -- it was actually a camcorder that took stills, an actual camera came a few months later. I immediately became a shutterbug, and started taking hundreds of photos. I shared them with my mom and dad, but there was still something missing -- I felt like I absolutely needed to share them with the world.

What is a photo unless you have shared it with someone? It's like getting a gift and not saying thank you. My way of saying thank you to God for giving me the gift of photography (and the moment I photographed) is by sharing the photo. Why should I be covering up the beauty he has created by keeping it somewhere deep in the mess of folders on my hard drive, when I could be showing it to the rest of the world?

Slowly and tentatively, I uploaded my first photo - then my second - my third quickly followed - and then my fourth. Still, my confidence was really low -- and I can only thank each and every person on Flickr and beyond who commented on, favourited, and viewed my photos. I first considered myself a "real Flickerite" when I finally uploaded a photo on the same day as taking it -- versus a few months later, after painstaking deliberations on whether it was 'good enough.' Again, I thank you guys for helping me grow into that!

And here's one more thing to thank you for: inspiring me! I can't say I'm self-taught -- I've got hundreds of teachers who don't even know it! So, today, in order to give them the acknowledgement they were due, I sat down and went through my favourites, all 45 pages of them -- twice -- to compile a list of 36 pictures that have inspired me most so far. These are the ones that have really shaped my own way of seeing things through the viewfinder, and touched me with their sheer beauty -- or, in the case #2 and #30 -- made me laugh harder than any other photos in the world!

Here they are... my all-time favourites:



1. watching the world go by, 2. Dandelion, 3. Eyeing... ♫ little egret from bali ♪ ♫, 4. burning skies, 5. me, 6. II, 7. Hattie, 8. Untitled, 9. the eye and the sky, 10. Waiting For Buddha, 11. this american life, 12. Girl near Ga Sai Gon, 13. Colours dancing with light, 14. a family, 15. Untitled, 16. Flower girls, 17. she's back, 18. freckle face, 19. unexpected.., 20. Untitled, 21. two, 22. caught in the net, 23. Sifting Sand, 24. Hmmm ? ..., 25. are you gentle too ? ..., 26. life goes on ..., 27. first taste of rain..............., 28. Swan who felt in love ♥, 29. remembering why, 30. bad breath?, 31. A Flower For Nanny, 32. Atendendo a um pedido especial de uma amiga especial !, 33. smiling at, 34. skeeter hawk, 35. animated speedy, 36. Sunday afternoon

Love, Oksana