Sunday, August 31, 2008

Track 6

I'm probably not going to do a track-inspired post for Track 5 of the Matthew Perryman Jones CD... The song is called "All the King's Horses," and the only memory/thought it brings up is a situation involving two other people that I'm not going to post about on the world-wide-web... so here's track 6 (my favourite song from the album!)...

Lord, I feel the weight of a mountain

Pressing down inside my soul

I can see the pillars fallin’

There ain’t nothin’ left to hold

The reigns are broken too

I can’t steer this

There’s nothing I can do

Except to throw my arms out

Take me to

A place where love can mend these wounds

Where mystery can dance with truth

And the broken soul finds refuge...

Lyrics from "Refuge," by Matthew Perryman Jones.

This year was a real eye-opener for me: a season of realization. Realization of my own fallenness. I failed God in just about every way a human can fail him. I also hurt a lot of the people around me, needlessly (not that people ever "need" to be hurt, but they really didn't deserve it at all). When I did manage to be polite and kind towards others, it was only outward; inside I was losing hope fast. The standard I held myself to kept slipping lower and lower with every new sin I added to the list. My grades slipped horribly -- for the first time in my life, I actually toyed with the idea of skipping an exam (which, thanks to God's grace, I did very well on, despite having only a single afternoon to study a 400-page textbook).

I was so relieved to escape into summer. I knew vaguely that I wanted this summer to bring me closer to God, but I didn't expect all the changes he's made in my life in these past two months. Wow -- two months! It seems like a lifetime since July, when I let the Son sweep me off my feet and ask me: "How much do you really love me, Oksana?" No, scratch that. He's always been asking me that, ever since I told him I'd be his forever. What made this summer different was that I was finally broken enough to answer him honestly.

Now it's time to be honest with you, and tell you a secret: I have not read the entire Bible. I've read the NT and most of the Psalms, and started 3 different yearly Bible-reading plans, but got so far behind on each that I never made it far past Numbers. This summer, I felt compelled to begin reading it again; for different reasons than in the past. Before then, I'd read the Bible just to have it done with, to fit in with more mature Christians and appear more knowledgeable. Obviously, that wasn't my conscious thought-process each time I began to read it, but there was a lot of pride involved. This summer, I didn't print off reading plans that I knew I'd never be able to keep. Instead, I took a few blank pages of paper, and really began to dig deep into the word. I spent an entire afternoon making notes and meditating on half a chapter of Genesis.

I started to eat the Bible.

Not literally, of course. (When I was 1-3 years old, I did eat books. Apparently, it's not that uncommon -- eating non-food items is a condition called "pica" and happens often with little kids... and I ate all the paper I could get. Back to topic...). By "eating the Bible," I mean satisfying my hunger for God. I didn't just skim, I tried my best to savour and understand every word... give each God-written phrase the attention it deserved. A month later, I'm still in the middle of Genesis, and I don't feel the need to rush it. I've learned tons, some of which I will post on this blog, some of which I'll share in my e-zine (which, by the way, needs some contributions -- see this link for details). I feel refreshed and ready to pursue a better way. It's time to put all my 'lessons learned' to use.

School starts tomorrow, and I still have some thinking/praying to do, so, 'till then, as usual...

Love, Oksy

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Pastels

Today, I dwelved into the wonderful world of pastels. :)

I just love the way pastels let you 'interact' with your picture. It feels almost as if you're sculpting something, when you blend them beneath your fingers, pulling colours across the paper with your bare hands. Pastels have this very unrefined, 'raw' feel to them. Instead of drawing perfect, smooth, artificial lines, they crumble and smudge and fill the air with colourful, floury dust. It's so therapeutic to create art with this feeling of freedom -- this reckless abandon -- where you don't have to calculate your every move. I worked on two pieces today. The first one is complete... I made it for my mommy:

The second piece is still in progress. It's going to be a portrait of a girl who's leaning against a book with one hand, leaning her head on her other hand, daydreaming. I put a smiley face on the photo at the left to show you where the head's going to go (the sketching is kind of hard to see).

The spine on the green book is done all wrong, but I'm going to fix that when I do the background -- probably all-black. I'm also really bothered by the fact that I didn't give the poor girl an elbow... I'll see if I can add that without messing up too much of what I've done. But first, I'll finish her head, arm, and hand... it's going to be kind of hard to reach into those spots without smudging everything I've already done... Normally, I'd probably give up on this piece -- I don't usually work on art for more than one sitting; but, now that it's up here for the whole world to see, I feel like I have to finish it. I work well under pressure. :) I'm pretty pleased with it overall, despite some of the flaws... it'll keep me busy over the next few days, at any rate!

In other news, God has answered a prayer (thank you, Lord!) of mine that I've been praying for over 3 years. It means some huge changes in my life, so I'll be off the Web for a while... will probably return to regular posts in mid-September. I'll try to fill you in as much as I can in-between then!

Love, Oksana

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Preenses

I discovered this 'gem' in an old workbook of mine from first grade. Most of the spelling and grammatic errors have been replicated in their entirety.

Onc's upoun a time there lived a beauty who had a green dres and black boots. She was looking like a St. Patrick preenses. But she wasen't marite. She was a grate beauty, oh wat a grate pursine. Rily she was looking like a preenses even if she didn't have a kroune. I want to look like her when I grow uq. One day she walk'd by her kastle. She walk'd and she saw a preense standing by. "I am yore frand," siad the preense. "I never had a frand," siad the beauty. So they marite together. They lived together happy as can be!

I can just hear the applause. ;) Thank you, thank you...

Firstly, a disclaimer: This was written about a year since I came to Canada, and about 5 months since I actively started to learn English... hence the horrible spelling. Yet, as frivolous and Disney-ed as this "story" is, there's more to it than meets the eye...

The reference to St. Patrick puzzled me when I first read it. St. Patrick princess -- wha? Then, I looked at some of my other stories... they were all about Valentines Day, Christmas, Halloween... I realized that I had been absolutely smitten with "Canadian" holidays like St. Patrick's Day, things that were not celebrated in the Ukraine. I don't know if it was so much that I enjoyed them, as the fact that I just wanted to belong. To belong to a world that was new and didn't understand me. I felt that if I reached into these holidays and celebrated them like everyone else did, I'd gain something that would make me the same as everyone else.

I guess that's what people mean when they say things like, "Christmas will bring us all together." At Christmas, everybody is longing to share -- share a feeling, an experience, a season. Christmas is that magical time when even the most simple people decorate their homes, even the most introverted people give strangers smiles, even the most stingy people buy gifts for others. Everybody is willing to step outside their comfort zone and into a place where they can belong... but then, like the snow, that fragile, crystalline Christmas spirit melts away as quickly as it came. How impermanent that magical, happy feeling is, when it's based on material things!

Getting valentines and cutting out green shamrocks did nothing to make me feel like I belonged in first grade, in Canada, or in this world. Only love could do that. That fateful dialogue at the turning point of my story: "I am yore frand" -- "I never had a frand," speaks volumes about my own feelings back in first grade. I must have set the record for the loneliest six-year-old ever to grace the classroom... I cried in class every single day, to the point that I almost got kicked out of school for distrupting other students. I still don't know why I was like that, but I'll venture a guess: I just needed a friend. When I joined a different school for second grade, I found some wonderful people who were willing to share their recesses, snacks, and schoolyard secrets with me, and I barely shed a tear all year.

Perhaps I'm over-analyzing, but even the simplest, smallest, most mundane, most forgotten things in your life say something about you: the state your desk is in, the way you are sitting, your tone of voice when you told your mother you love her, the story you wrote back in first grade... it speaks about who you are. It's so much fun -- fun, and a little sad at the same time -- to look back and find all the little things that I now see in a totally different light. Some of these 'little things' are already in the trash, forgotten... by me, at least. But not by God.

He remembers and treasures up our every thought, want, and need, and gives us according to our needs in his perfect time. It took me several years to understand the real meaning of the holidays I celebrated. It took me several years to find some real friends who would stick with me through thick and thin. It may take me several years more to find my Prince Charming, if that's part of God's plan for me. But I think it's safe to say that, already, I'm living "happy as can be!"

Love, Oksana

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Prayers for a friend

I'm sure Laura won't mind me posting this. Today, the following update was posted at her blog.

Laura asked me to post this if she didn't and seeing as she hasn't - I thought I should. Right now, Laura and her family need your thoughts and prayers. Especially her Papa. If you could be so gracious as to do so it would be very much appreciated. She would have written this herself, however she had to drive to Mass. last night around 11 or so. Her Papa is dying. I'm sure we all know just a bit of what's that like; I know I do.

I met Laura at a forum where she gave me some very helpful advice on a problem I was having. Since then, we've been reading each other's blogs and commenting occasionally. I don't know her in person... and I've only known her through the web for just a few weeks, but she really feels like a sister to me. She is a beautiful example of a Christian, a very talented writer, and one of the friendliest, most encouraging people you can ever meet. Please send up your prayers today for our sister-in-Christ and her family...

Love, Oksana

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Track 4

Climbing onto giant shoulders

And looking out

Longing eyes scan for a sign

Where are you now?

I don’t know

So I’ll fall on faith...

Lyrics from Sinking Wishes, by Matthew Perryman Jones.

I'm one of those people who is seriously lacking in the gift of awareness/ perception/ thoughtfulness... whatever you call it. Let me illustrate: ever been in your school's locker bay, when somebody was standing in front of your locker? I'm the sort of person who won't notice that you want to get to your locker unless you actually tell me to move over. Or, when an elderly lady comes on the bus, it doesn't cross my mind to stand up, even though I wholeheartedly believe it to be the right thing to do. I would get up immediately if I were thinking about it, but, when my mind is wandering elsewhere, I usually need someone to give me a poke so I become aware of what's happening around me.

It always amazes me when I see somebody doing something simple and thoughtful for someone else, like offering to help carry a bag, or holding their locker door open so it doesn't invade the next person's space. Usually, I find myself thinking -- wow, I wish I had the presence of mind to think of doing that... I mean, I have it in me to do the same thing -- I just never notice the need. There is no doubt that this part of my character is something I really, really want to change.

That's where everything gets complicated. As you can imagine, I go around being (not unjustly) seen as rather thoughtless, uncaring, etc. Because of that, I think my motive for wanting to be kind has gotten a little skewed. Is to to be caring, or to look caring before others? I would really like to say that the former is my motivation, but, if it was, I'd be just as eager to do unnoticed acts of kindness as noticed ones. Yet, I'm not nearly as excited in learning to do chores when unasked, or quietly cleaning up litter, as I am about standing up for elderly ladies in crowded buses. The reason is obvious: more people will see my kindness when it's on the bus.

(Sad, I know. But I think that being honest with myself can help me change this. And, as hard as it is, I think that posting this publicly will help me even more... and perhaps help others like myself. So I'm striving to be fairly honest and open on this blog.)

This is where the lyrics of the song come in. My God is an amazing God in that he does things for his love's sake, not just to get glory. He is willing to give "silently," in ways that he knows we will probably overlook. As the song says -- in the bad times, we look for God's blessings, seek a sign, try to find him; never realizing that we are already standing on his shoulders. "... It was then that I carried you..." as the famous poem says.

Sometimes, when I pray, I thank God for everything that didn't happen today. It reminds me not to take the 'little' things for granted, and it gives me an example of how to love others. Sure, there's a time and place to be kind in public, but I'm starting to realise that, perhaps, my lack of thoughtfulness comes from the fact that I want it for the wrong reasons. I need to let God change and refine my heart; trusting what he says, even if some of his commands are less glamorous than others.

And, maybe, just maybe, you'll see me get out of your way when you need to get to your locker. :)

One cool fact: I hadn't really thought about this before I had read this song. How I love songs that make me think!!

Track 5 coming later!

Love, Oksana

Monday, August 18, 2008

With a 'Woof' and a Wink, or, why I love photography

.

_____I love capturing God's sense of humour. :)

Do you see the puppy shape in that cloud? Click on it to see larger!

Love, Oksana

Saturday, August 16, 2008

False Identity

I'll return to my Matthew Perryman Jones-inspired series soon (he has a new CD coming out this week, btw), but a something has been heavy on my mind this weekend, and I'll share it with you before returning to my regular posting...

I discovered the horrible reality of a disease called Cystic Fibrosis several months ago, when I found Confessions of a CF Husband. Before I continue, let me urge you to visit that blog and dwelve deep into the archives... you will find so much strength, inspiration, and faith there. God has used this family in incredible ways, and it's a story that deserves to be heard.

After I lurked around on the above site for a while, I began to visit the comments section. I found several other people with CF, and visited their blogs. Somehow, through one of their blogrolls, I happened to come across Gina, a young woman with end-stage CF -- constantly on the ventilator, fighting to breathe, unable to eat, barely staying alive. I read each and every post on the blog, added it to my bookmarks, and began to pray for for the young woman nicknamed "Pepe."

It's amazing how quickly I found a love in my heart towards Pepe. Perhaps not real love, just yet... it's hard to really love someone when you know so little about them; as the blog mainly chronicled Pepe's technical, health-related details, rather than her life and personality. It wasn't love, but it was a connection. I thought about Pepe in my spare times. I began to carry her burdens. And I'm not bragging about this... I was only doing what we are all supposed to do. But, yesterday, that bag of burdens suddenly burst, and hundreds of thousands of people found out that it had been completely empty all this time. Gina exists. She is healthy. The "Pepe" we'd all come to know is simply a fictional character.

The blog "Friends of Pepe" had been kept by a man named Paul, who is a real CF sufferer and transplant survivor. He got email and phone updates from Pepe and her "friend," sharing them for the world to pray about. He wrote the following today:

Today, my trust was breached in a way I can hardly convey. The consequence is that yours was violated as well. Pepe confessed to me after much prodding that she has been propagating a series of lies, that no transplant ever occurred, that no transplant was even in question, that Blake does not exist, and that Pepe has in fact been at home most of this year rather than in ICU as I described in FOP [the blog]. This makes a moron of me, of course, and a farce of FOP, which 275,000 visitors took at face value for many months. It mocks the hardship I have personally faced, having actually been at 12 percent [lung function], as well as the battles many of you wage on a daily basis. It mocks the readers who wept literal tears over her drama, who worried, and who placed their full trust in what was, admittedly, a compelling story. ... Please know that no one has shed more tears over Pepe's fictional saga or suffered more from this betrayal than I have. As you know, I spent this year in a dual role: trying to help Pepe make it to "transplant," staying up till all hours with her, while simultaneously trying to recover from my own.

I cannot even begin to imagine how much this hurts people who have CF. It's hurt me, even though I've never felt any of Pepe's suffering first-hand. It hurts me, even though I've never chatted with Pepe, sent her gifts, or stayed up all night praying for her. Other people have experienced all of these things, and their pain is unfathomable to me. To me, it's like the loss of an acquaintance; to them, it's like the loss of a sister. This incident has occupied a lot my time for the past few days. Here are some thoughts currently running through my mind:

- I am so grateful that people are so willing to trust others online. I hope that this test of our trust will only make it stronger.
- I am so grateful that the internet allows people with CF to find support and mutual understanding, as well as giving people like me an opportunity to look into a different way of life.
- I don't think we should regret praying for Gina. I have no doubt that there are people going through the same sort of nightmare.... people who perhaps don't have access to the Internet, or a friend like Paul to make their stories public. I don't think our God had any problem redirecting those sincere prayers to people who really need them.
- I feel sorry for Gina. I hope she admits her problem, gets help, realizes how blessed she is not to be sick, and finds someone who can love her as the healthy person she is.
- Lastly, being on the recieving end of a false and exaggerated story has really shown me the importance of honesty. I'm definitely the sort of person who tends to exaggerate things to get a point across or get a reaction. Not, obviously, from 100,000 people, but that's irrelevant. I'm going to think more about my words, because there's no such thing as a "white lie." They all hurt.

Love, Oksana

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Track 3

Put your defense down
open up your heart and lay
all of it out
I know how hard it sounds
but loneliness will have its way
in feeding your doubts

waiting on the light
waiting on the light to change
I’m chasing out the lies
chasing out the lies
that keep you caged
I’m waiting, waiting on the light to change

No matter what’s inside
There is nothing you can say
to cause me to hide
You know I’m broken too
I’ve fallen far, I lost my faith
been found and made new...

Lyrics from Matthew Perryman's song "Waiting On the Light to Change."

"...loneliness will have its way in feeding your doubts..."

That is so very true. With God, you're never, ever alone, yet his word stresses the importance of fellowship with other people. God is love, and we are priveledged to be entrusted with the task of reflecting his love into the lives of others. I think the best way one can 'prove' his existance to somebody is to love them.

I wish I were more loving to the people closest to me... my family, for instance. It happens that many of them don't share most of my beliefs, and I keep forgetting how I should be treating them. Some things, like fellowship and marriage, are reserved for people who are like-minded. But love is for all. I need to remember that... and I'm so grateful for the humbling effects of Christ's example of love, which reminds me daily how I should be.

"...I'm chasing out the lies that keep you caged, and waiting on the light to change..."

I love that part of the chorus. I often fall into the trap of trying to deal with the big situation, getting overwhelmed, and giving up; when I could just stick to my part, giving everything I've got, and let God change the light. Of course, constantly "chasing out the lies" isn't glamorous or comfortable work, so this lesson is easy to forget.

Track 4 coming later...

Love, Oksana

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Track 2

This post inspired by excerpts of the lyrics from "Breaking Out the Windows," by Matthew Perryman Jones.

"You got soul under your skin
What happens when you don’t know who to let in
Will we ever understand?
We’re just breaking out the windows..."

It's interesting... Matthew Perryman speaks of having our soul hidden behind our "skin," our physical selves. But shouldn't it be the other way around? Aren't the attributes of our soul more obvious than our physical attributes? It isn't the crown that makes someone a king; it isn't the hug that makes someone a friend; it isn't the kiss that makes someone in love. When someone comes into the room, it isn't from their clothing or their posture that you can tell whether or not they are loving or courageous.

I'll admit I don't always look past people's appearance when I meet them... but there are some people who just naturally cause my attention to shift from their outward attributes to their inward attributes. Mother Teresa is one example... her message was so compelling, and she gave of it so generously, that you couldn't care less if she had wrinkles or not. You can't necessarily control how other people percieve you, but you can still influence it. If you notice that other people focus more on your appearance than your soul, that might mean that you're focusing too much on it yourself. Have you ever been talking to someone, they looked away, and you followed their line of sight to see what they were looking at? If your attention is on how you look, you will command other peoples' attention to the same area.

I'm not saying you shouldn't care about how you look... just try wearing your soul over your skin, not hiding it underneath. Dressing 'hip,' acting 'cool,' and getting Botox won't make people more receptive to your message.

Speaking of skin and soul, did you guys hear of the scandal over the Chinese Olympic opening ceremony? The little 10-year-old girl who sang 'Ode to the Motherland' was actually lip-synching to a recorded song. No, that's not too bad -- what kind of ten-year-old would have the courage to get up there and sing live, after all? The problem is, the track had actually been sung by 7-year-old Yang Peiyi (on the right), who was not allowed to perform after officials decided she wasn't pretty enough.

I'm really at a loss for words. The excuse given was that Yang had "crooked teeth" and could not do justice to the "image of the country." How can you tell a child something like that? How can you make a little girl believe that she is not good enough to share her skills and talents with the world just because she doesn't look a certain way? (And, personally, I think Yang looks positively sweet. :) She has a real innocence about her, and her genuine smile in the snapshot above brings me more joy than the manufactured smile which was somehow deemed "prettier"...). Sigh. Your thoughts?

Before I go, I just want to comment on another part of the lyrics in this song...

"How did we get so far?
Running to hide these scars?
Love’s not afraid of what it finds in the dark..."

Somebody once told me a nugget of truth, that has never failed to comfort me. I just want to share it with you. It's simple and it's a wonderful thing to remember...

God knows your past, your present, and your future, and he loves you anyway.

Track 3 coming later...

Love, Oksana

Monday, August 11, 2008

Track 1

Hey everyone...

I've had serious blogging-block for the past few days, so I've decided to try something different. I downloaded a really great album by Christian indie artist Matthew Perryman Jones at Noisetrade.com (a site where independent Christian musicians offer their music for free to fans). It's an album that has really inspired me and made me think, so I've decided to write a series of posts inspired by each of the tracks on the CD, "Throwing Punches in the Dark." We'll see how it goes. :)

Meghan's Song

Baby, sleep in peace tonight
Angels bend to watch the sight
And may your dreams be sweet tonight
Dance the sky in sweet delight

And know I love you
I always will
It’s my favorite story
I have to tell

And Baby, let’s go far away
See this world that God has made
And know our hearts are in his hand
This lovely one who counts the sands...

Wow... now that I've actually posted the song, I'm not sure what to write. I guess I'll just share a few of the things that it makes me think about and feel:

"...may your dreams be sweet tonight..."
I remember for most of my life, all I had were nightmares. I don't know why. I never looked forward to sleep because I'd dream about all of the horrible stuff I'd seen on the news or heard about in school... I guess I was just a really sensitive kid. What I tried to forget about by day -- the wars, the violence, the slavery, the terrorism that was happening all over the world -- haunted me by night. It wasn't until I began to pray a little about the things in the world that bothered me, that the nightmares fell away almost instantly. I think that's what nightmares are, sometimes: reminders of the things that God wants us to deal with, so that we can sleep on this earth with a cleaner conscience.

"...dance the sky in sweet delight..."
I remember this one dream I had when I was about 3 or 4... for the longest time, I couldn't understand whether it was a dream or a real memory, but my parents tell me it couldn't have been real, since there was no such spot in Ukraine, where we lived at the time. I dreamt that my mom and I were walking through a marketplace, with elderly ladies selling their wares on either side of us. We kept on walking, and suddenly, the road ended in a rocky cliff. Beyond it was a brilliant crimson sunset. There was nothing below; only glowing sky... we were at the edge of the earth.

"...let's go far away / see this world that God has made..."

I've never travelled. I've never actually gone on vacation or journeyed long distances for reasons other than moving. I'd love to, but I know I'll probably never have a chance to visit all the places where I want to go... all the oceans, all the plains, all the mountains, all the sunsets that I want to see. Yet, I don't feel as if I'm missing much more than what seasoned tourists experience. I might not be able to see a sunset over the mountains, but God still gives me ways to experience it...

The photos above, which I took on different days, give me a glimpse of what the smouldering sun must look like over the icy heights of the Alps. Even if I never go there, I've still seen the same kind of beauty, and didn't have to look much farther than my own windowpane. Just like, sometimes, a caring hug or a warm word can give you a glimpse into what heaven is like. As Emily Dickinson would say, "I never saw a moor, I never saw the sea; yet I know how the heather looks, and what a wave must be."

Track 2 of my CD-inspired posts coming soon...

Love, Oksana

Monday, August 4, 2008

Pet Stores

This post is dedicated to my dad. I told him I'd give him a link to my blog if he read it and commented occasionally. He agreed (so, daddy, I'm hoping to find a comment here, sooner or later ;). Then I asked dad to give me a blog topic. After much deliberation and a visit to a pet store, he decided on ... "visits to pet stores." Go figure! Well, here goes...

Ever since I can remember, there was barely ever a shopping trip that went by without me dragging my parents into a pet store. The only pets I've ever had are the occasional spiders or ladybugs that wandered into our house every now and then, but absence really has made the heart grow fonder. I'm not obsessed by animals to the point that I value them as much as humans, but I just love the way they can bring people joy without even trying. Here are a few pet-related memories that still make me smile:

The last time I entered a pet store, there were these two funny little lizards that absolutely stole my heart. As I walked up to them, they seemed to be completely "out of it," staring off into space. However, as soon as I put my hand up to the glass, they sprang up and scrambled to catch up with my fingers. I moved my hand around for a while, the lizards following my every move, until I stopped in the middle of their aquarium. With absolute precision, they paused right in front of my hand; one lizard stepped up on top of the other to form a neat little stack, and they pressed up their noses to the glass where my fingers were. I thought that was the sweetest thing ever, and spent two minutes just laughing to myself. I think we could learn a thing or two from these lizards -- how to willingly step out of our everyday lives to meet and commune with God, how to follow him with trust and loyalty, how to use teamwork to make sure we hit the mark he wants us to live up to as precisely as we can.

That was one of two big lessons I learned at the pet store. The other one happened a while ago. I went to a mall where there was a huge cage, divided in two, with an open top. In the first section of the cage were guinea pigs; in the second, bunnies. This was the first time I had ever seen such a pet store display where I could actually reach in and pet the animals, so I jumped at this once-in-a-long-time opportunity and put my hand in to pet one of the guinea pigs. It completely freaked out and ran away from me. I don't know who was more scared -- it or I! I hadn't expected the guinea pig to be so untrusting towards someone who meant no harm. To soothe my hurt feelings, I cautiously reached into the bunnies' half of the cage, hoping for better luck. Almost immediately, several warm, soft, furry little creatures scurried towards me.

It was one of those great moments in life.

:P Really, though, I couldn't stop talking about that for weeks. It was one of my first real encounters with animals, after hundreds of slightly-disheartening visits to pet stores in which the furry lodgers had ignored my pleas for their attention. And my five minutes petting those little rabbits meant so much to me at that moment. It felt nice to just be wanted. That they finally gave back some of the love I'd been giving to animals all my life. That experience showed me a lot about loving God and other people. When I remember how bad it felt to be "snubbed" by the guinea pigs, I remind myself to be "bunny-like" in my trust towards others.

Not all per-store visits came with a moral. Some were just plain funny, like a golden retriever puppy who was sleeping so soundly, he didn't even feel his brother energetically devouring his right ear. It gave everyone a good laugh. :) Other visits were heartbreaking, like a baby chihuahua whose eyes looked so tragically sad that my mind whispered a little prayer before I could stop myself: Lord, please let him find a good home. Either way, pet store visits always give me something to look forward to, and later think/laugh about.

So, dad, there you go -- that's my little spiel on pet stores. Hope you enjoyed it!

And, to all other blog readers who have grown up around animals and wouldn't even blink if a lizard or bunny came running up to you, I know I probably sound like some deprived child; but one of my parents is allergic to animals, so that's why I've never had a pet and get so excited over little things like these!

Love, Oksana

PS. Here's a portrait of one of my past pets, a dancing ladybug! :)

commonplace

Went for a lovely nature photoshoot with my dad yesterday. We had meant to go to another spot -- a beautiful field that has remained unexplored territory for me and my camera -- but missed the bus by a minute, so we ended up going to the same place I'd been to many times before. I was upset at first, but after a little while, I found all kinds of new and interesting things to shoot. It was nice and peaceful, just me and my dad; nobody else. I guess that means that, if I hadn't gone outside, all of these things would have gone unnoticed.

There were tons of these beetles on the pine trees ... this one in particular wasn't too fond of my camera, and ran off whenever I got close to him. At this point, the sun was gorgeous. It has just rained, and everything was glistening gold. As usually tends to happen, however, it turned cloudy after I took these two shots, and stayed that way for most of the photoshoot.

I found a funny little fly sitting on top of a blown-away dandelion, doing something that looked like tai-chi. She was lifting up one "arm" and then the other, over and over and over again. Since it was very windy, most of my shots weren't super-clear, and I didn't get to photograph all of her "moves," but here's one of the shots I managed to get:

I don't really like the next shot. I had intended to get the fence into the picture, but, now that I look at it again, I really wish it weren't there. It spoils the beautiful greenery and light on the other side. I feel compelled to post it, though, because I think it speaks of looking past the bad, and trying to see the beauty in life. Cliched, I know. :)

At the same spot, I found this little guy... he would not stop weaving in and out of the fence, but stopped long enough for me to get this shot:

And I took a few contemplative, reflective pictures that I love, because they sort of describe my life these past few months. I'll let you decipher them yourselves, but I'd be interested in knowing how they make you feel. Perhaps I'll tell you in a later post what they mean to me.

Love, Oksana

scraps of life... photos, poems, and images of this world through my eyes.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Track 6

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Pastels

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Preenses

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Prayers for a friend

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Track 4

Monday, August 18, 2008

With a 'Woof' and a Wink, or, why I love photography

Saturday, August 16, 2008

False Identity

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Track 3

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Track 2

Monday, August 11, 2008

Track 1

Monday, August 4, 2008

Pet Stores

commonplace

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