Climbing onto giant shoulders
And looking out
Longing eyes scan for a sign
Where are you now?
I don’t know
So I’ll fall on faith...
Lyrics from Sinking Wishes, by Matthew Perryman Jones.
I'm one of those people who is seriously lacking in the gift of awareness/ perception/ thoughtfulness... whatever you call it. Let me illustrate: ever been in your school's locker bay, when somebody was standing in front of your locker? I'm the sort of person who won't notice that you want to get to your locker unless you actually tell me to move over. Or, when an elderly lady comes on the bus, it doesn't cross my mind to stand up, even though I wholeheartedly believe it to be the right thing to do. I would get up immediately if I were thinking about it, but, when my mind is wandering elsewhere, I usually need someone to give me a poke so I become aware of what's happening around me.
It always amazes me when I see somebody doing something simple and thoughtful for someone else, like offering to help carry a bag, or holding their locker door open so it doesn't invade the next person's space. Usually, I find myself thinking -- wow, I wish I had the presence of mind to think of doing that... I mean, I have it in me to do the same thing -- I just never notice the need. There is no doubt that this part of my character is something I really, really want to change.
That's where everything gets complicated. As you can imagine, I go around being (not unjustly) seen as rather thoughtless, uncaring, etc. Because of that, I think my motive for wanting to be kind has gotten a little skewed. Is to to be caring, or to look caring before others? I would really like to say that the former is my motivation, but, if it was, I'd be just as eager to do unnoticed acts of kindness as noticed ones. Yet, I'm not nearly as excited in learning to do chores when unasked, or quietly cleaning up litter, as I am about standing up for elderly ladies in crowded buses. The reason is obvious: more people will see my kindness when it's on the bus.
(Sad, I know. But I think that being honest with myself can help me change this. And, as hard as it is, I think that posting this publicly will help me even more... and perhaps help others like myself. So I'm striving to be fairly honest and open on this blog.)
This is where the lyrics of the song come in. My God is an amazing God in that he does things for his love's sake, not just to get glory. He is willing to give "silently," in ways that he knows we will probably overlook. As the song says -- in the bad times, we look for God's blessings, seek a sign, try to find him; never realizing that we are already standing on his shoulders. "... It was then that I carried you..." as the famous poem says.
Sometimes, when I pray, I thank God for everything that didn't happen today. It reminds me not to take the 'little' things for granted, and it gives me an example of how to love others. Sure, there's a time and place to be kind in public, but I'm starting to realise that, perhaps, my lack of thoughtfulness comes from the fact that I want it for the wrong reasons. I need to let God change and refine my heart; trusting what he says, even if some of his commands are less glamorous than others.
And, maybe, just maybe, you'll see me get out of your way when you need to get to your locker. :)
One cool fact: I hadn't really thought about this before I had read this song. How I love songs that make me think!!
Track 5 coming later!
Love, Oksana
2 comments:
i know exactly what you're saying!
Thanks for the comment on my blog, Oksana! Glad to know ya!
And yes, please do come back. I hope you enjoy the book reviews and writing rantings (and that you're inspired to use your talents for God.) :)
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